MY  F E A R  &  P A I N

I am ten

I am listening

Late night WBZ talk radio on my transistor

Crazy callers

I can’t sleep

I wait to hear noises downstairs

That my mother has come home

I hear muffled angry voices

I call down from the top of the stairs

“Is everything okay?”

I have to fix it

I will not tell

FA L S E  S E L F

I feel outside of a loop

I should be in

I doubt myself and just don’t know

I take many steps back and over think

I fill in blank spaces, imagine rejection

I pay close attention, check the locks

I know whatever I give is not enough

T R U E  S E L F

Mother, wife, nana

Sister, friend,

Teacher, doula

Flying birds witness

Bless all of it

I am here breathing

I remember

I have tools, a compass

I reach out

I forgive

I hold babies, all the mothers

Myself

With tender hands